In honor of the 450th anniversary of what we assume was Shakespeare’s birthday, I give you this to look forward to, culturally speaking.
In just 350 years or so — a drop in the bucket, temporally speaking — there will be a monumental debate among intellectuals, critics, historians, and lay people. Movies will be made on the topic. Plays will be written. Whatever new media we can’t imagine now will devote itself to what to so many will be self-evident.
After all, there’s no possible reason why anyone could believe that Aaron Sorkin actually wrote those plays, movies and television shows. I mean, look at the facts of his life. Could that man have convincingly written about working for the president? He never worked for the president! He never worked for a sports channel! He was just a failed actor — one with a B.F.A. instead of a B.A.! A B.F.A. in Musical Theater for God’s sake!
Musical theater! Open your eyes, man!
And some people will claim that clearly all those projects were really written by David Mamet, who didn’t want to look like he was slumming on television or in Rob Reiner films. And some will claim he was really the public face of Josh Molina, which is why he kept getting ‘cast’ in those projects. And others will claim he was really Dee Dee Myers, or Keith Olbermann, or Bill Clinton.
And when people will point to the mountain of evidence that clearly indicate Sorkin wrote the things with his name on him, that evidence will either be ignored or dismissed, while the most tenuous of connections will be used to validate the Sorkinite theory of the day. “Actual footage of Sorkin writing? Phaw! You’re forgetting that in 1983 Aaron Sorkin met Joyce Dewitt!”
And absolutely none of it will have any bearing on much of anything, so long as people keep staging productions of A Few Good Men. Albeit updated for modern sensibilities, which undoubtedly means Jessup will be vindicated.
So @weatherchannel was taken off the air on DirecTV for some time, due to arguments. It returned this weekend. In the meantime, we had “WeatherNation,” and in fact we still do.
Weather Channel had a pretty extensive campaign detailing how horrible it was that we had lost them in the interim. At the end of the day, they came to an agreement, which included reducing the amount of “reality programming” their channel would have. Instead of the weather.
Well, today, we went to check.
They’re having a “Building Invincible” marathon right now. At the moment, they’re showing the building of a stadium which purports to be hurricane proof.
FUCK YOU WEATHER CHANNEL!
DO I NEED TO WEAR A COAT?
ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS IF I NEED TO WEAR A FUCKING COAT!
ALL I EVER WANT TO KNOW FROM YOU IS WHAT CLOTHES TO FUCKING WEAR OR IF I NEED TO LEAVE EARLY TO MAKE IT TO THE AIRPORT ON TIME! THAT’S ALL!
YOU HAVE THE ABSOLUTE DEFINITION OF ONE! FUCKING! JOB!
DO I NEED A COAT?!?
(According to Weather Nation? No, though long sleeves are prudent. Rain tomorrow though.)